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January 13, 2014 / another1ofthose


Life is a mixture of lessons, good moments and bad ones, a handful of disappointments and a sea of hope and dreams; and it’s for us to make the best of it by making the right choices.

It would’ve been easier if we had the recipe for the life we want to have, but we wouldn’t enjoy it that much if we didn’t work hard at it.

Our decisions are like ingredients that we add to the boiling pot of life, which boils with no end. We taste it from time to time to make sure the flavor is just right. Sometimes it is too sour, sometimes it is too sweet. We just have to figure out the right decisions that we should make.

I like many others have been through ups and downs, highs and lows, but I’m still struggling to figure out the exact way I want my life to turn out to be. I took some bad decisions as well as good ones, but I still learned from the bad ones more.

Finding someone who is worth the time and the effort is quite challenging especially in a society like the one we live in. If finding a suitable devoted decent guy isn’t hard enough, try doing so in a society where you cannot be who you are. you have to fake a life to live one.

Society in Lebanon has taken its toll on the LGBTQ community. Regardless of what it might think of us or say about us, it took its toll on how we see ourselves and the way we think of our future.

You see, it’s really rare to find someone who is looking for something stable in this community because we no longer see the future we want to have, but rather see the future, society wants us to live. We don’t want to commit to someone because we can’t do anything about it. We only go on hookups to prove to society that this is all we do. That is what they see and that is what we are giving them.

We must not become passive of what people say about us to a point that we only do what they think we do. We should stop being the prisoners of their judgments, we should stop being the slaves of their thoughts. We should stop killing what we truly are and start working on what we want to be; on what we want to have.

No! I don’t want to be what this society thinks I am, I don’t want to live the way they think I should live. I don’t want to just go on with my life as if it was just meant to be like this. Homophobes are everywhere, they are my parents, my teachers and my friends. But I still don’t let them get to me. I don’t want to live by their standards which are based on traditions.I want this all to change for the best. For the best of my life and my future; for the best of this world.

And as quote goes “the only thing constant in life, is change”, perhaps we should work on ourselves before working on those around us.

When I started writing this post, I was going to share an experience I had, but I guess sometimes your words guide you to say what you truly want to say.

November 23, 2013 / another1ofthose

That is HOPE!

“They are animals”- It was the first thing I heard as a friend opened the door and let me in with a smile.
As I entered the appartment, words of hate and disgust echoed in my ears. My brain didn’t need time to process what I just heard to know what was going on, as I was accustomed to hearing them and I’ve grown resistant to the pain they caused before.
Walking into the living room where a dozen of people were seated, I was welcomed with smiles; I know they all love me, and I know that all of them consider me the special friend who helps them, advise them and stand by their sides in times of need, sorrow and joy. But why are they talking bad about me? Why don’t they understand? Why are they putting on these fake smiles?

One of my close friends pointed at the empty space on her left that she reserved for me as she said: “Come sit here; this side is for us “. In the right corner of the living room sat my closest friends. The 3 of us sat facing the others who outnumbered us by 3 to 1. I was asked about my opinion in the subject they were discussing as i kept hearing the words :”this is not natural-they are disgusting-This is a disease”. At this stage I was no longer facing people I consider as friends. When it comes to my existence, I was facing an enemy! I was not natural.I was disgusting.I was ill.

As I was putting on a fake laugh to hide my deep anger and sorrow, I launched my assault with the only weapons I’ve got. My weapons were not like their bombs that left me homeless in a world of hate. My weapons were not like their bullets that struck me in the chest. My weapons were much more deadly; Mine struck them in the head, in their minds, in their thoughts. My weapons were weapons of knowledge.

They all stood still without saying a word untill someone broke the silence:”you’ve studied well”-while the other decided to defend his lack of knowledge and utter ignorance with a joke that punched me in the face:”You’re just saying that, so we can accept you” and bursted into laughter.

I just laughed as I uttered in my head:”I wish I can say it; I just want you to accept it as much as you want to refuse it”.

I walked out of the room smiling while checking my facebook as a mean to distract my thoughts and to keep away any doubts that the ‘horrific’ joke might be true.

“You’re so perfect! so great! and I love you so much”- this was my best friend’s comment on a post that she shared the day before. As I scrolled down, the post stated:
“I’m not gay, but someone I love is!”

That is hope!

June 1, 2013 / another1ofthose

I smell Lavender


Lavender wedding

Being part of the LGBT society in Lebanon, as we all know is something really hard. Closeted people like myself face huge constraints when it comes to their love life and their future. On the other hand, people who are openly gay, might face discrimination in their daily lives. It’s a very big decision to choose to come out openly as gay. You might be disowned by your family, bullied and discriminated but at least you won’t have to live a lie, and vice versa for closeted people.

I’m in my mid 20’s at the moment, and I am already thinking of what my future could look like. Coming out to my parents is not an option, as I already saw what happened when a distant cousin of mine came out as a transsexual and the words I heard coming from my own parent’s mouths. And I keep hearing everyday how “these people” (ME) are mentally ill and all that bullshit.

I already considered immigrating to a gay friendly country, where I can live openly as a gay guy without any fear of resentment, and I already made this option a goal for the recent years to come. Even though I’m still gonna be lying to my parents and telling lies on how I still haven’t found my perfect match yet, but I guess that is a chance I am willing to take.

But what if this option didn’t work out? Everybody has got to have a backup plan, and mine smells like lavender.

Lavender marriage is a type of a male-female marriage of convenience between 2 homosexual people who are mainly closeted. and that’s where I’m gonna head if my first option didn’t work out as I planned. Marrying a Lesbian is the last thing on my mind, but all I know is that I’m NOT gonna marry a straight woman and add a person to the life of lies I’m living.



May 6, 2013 / another1ofthose

I blog for dignity


“When it comes to human dignity, we cannot make compromises” – Angela Merkel

The LGBT community in Lebanon is subjected to discrimination on a daily basis. We always thought that the people needed more education on that matter and I myself tried to educate some people in the hopes of creating a better entourage for myself to be more comfortable with. But when it comes to human dignity, i fear that education alone is not sufficient.

When the head of the municipality of Dekwaneh forces himself into a night club that is gay friendly, without any court orders, beats up a couple of homosexuals, just because they are being themselves, puts people in the trunk of some car, drives them to the municipality, undress them and takes pictures of them nude. This guy went beyond being a regular homophobe. This guy went beyond any state of perversion that i know of. This homophobic pervert took it one step too far when he raped those people’s dignity, and outed them in public. We’re not talking about LGBT rights, we’re talking about human rights.

This crime of his was covered by religious groups and schools (the cherry on top). You guys are so proud of your religious teachings of equality, love and forgiveness, so why not practice them? Your duality is just breathtaking.

Back to Mr. homophobic pervert



These acts, coming from a criminal like you are anticipated. You were raised and taught to beat the other.

You were raised to refuse anything that is different. You were raised to hate while we do what we do best……..we love

I didn’t write this to insult anyone. Actions speak louder than words, and your actions did it a lot louder.

I don’t blog for the fun of it, i do much more.

I blog for freedom and equality, for love and acceptance, for peace and tolerance. I blog for everything right.

I blog for human rights, for civil rights, for yours and mine. I blog for the right to indifference, for not giving a damn. I blog for you and me, for your freedom of expression and for my sexual identity.

I blog for dignity.

May 1, 2013 / another1ofthose

Being out is Liberating

Danny Ramadan

Fear not when, fear not why, fear not much while we’re alive. Life is for living, not living up tight, see ya somewhere up in the sky.
Fear not die, I’ll be alive for a million years, bye bye. So ,not for legends, I’m forever young, my name shall survive.

Jay Z Feat, Mr. Hudson

Here I am standing at the corner of a small, yet significant protest, in front of the Ministry of Justice in Beirut, shouts were coming from across the street, from the people who were small in number, they were screaming the slogans. “We stand! Against Homophobia, We stand! against trasophobia, we stand! against insults, we stand!”

Being out is liberating. I was standing among these people, smiling a big smile, enjoying the scene, loving the people. I wasn’t hiding at home, scared of the society that is supposed to embrace me for who I really am. I’m not hiding…

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March 21, 2013 / another1ofthose


“Let’s plot sexy revolution, plan perverse adventures and talk about pornographic ideas.

Acid. It was the meeting place of every single outcast in Beirut. Men, women, and everything in between could go there, for one night, and have the time of their lives. Or they could end up in jail. And even when they did, they were right back there the next week. It was a place where you didn’t know what was going on most of the time, a place where you didn’t know who was a boy and who was a girl. It was a place where bouncers would walk around separating two men dancing too closely together, and a place where everyone made out with everyone the instant the lights went off. We knew the cops were watching us, but we didn’t care. This was a place where we could be who we want to be…

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March 19, 2013 / another1ofthose

On rights, existence and homosexuality


Homosexuals have long endured the consequences of their own existence. Imagine yourself living in a society where all the people around you have brown eyes, while you were born naturally with blue eyes and being discriminated for that. Discriminated for something you neither chose nor favored; you were just born with. When it comes to homosexuality, you are not judged for what you have chosen, nor for what you did, you are judged for who you are.

For most of the people in this world, we are sinful for choosing who we love, we are mentally ill for having such a preference, we are an abomination. We have a psychological problem that needs to be treated. Enough!

I can’t seem to wonder how people are so ignorant and misinformed, how they just look for the easiest way out. They are trying their best to prove that their God or Gods are not capable of such a creation, so they blame it on us, because we had options and we picked the wrong one.

Well, as much as I want to start explaining the importance of intellect, knowledge and mental abilities, i won’t. As much as I want to advice you to read, to research, to improve, to have a thirst for knowledge, i won’t.

I won’t, because I’m presuming that your judgments on homosexuality are based on a sturdy basis of knowledge about epigenetics and its relevance to gene expression and I’m also presuming that you already have gone through tens or hundreds of articles that mentioned  the masculinisation of the brain while in the prenatal state. And I’m sure you already know the fact that one out of every ten men is gay. if you suck at math,that means 10% of the male population is gay.Surprising, don’t you think?

So, for people who know all these stuff, you sure are ignorant. First of all, homosexuality is not a preference (we can’t choose), it is not a sin (no living being is a sin).

The American psychoanalytical association, denounced homosexuality as being a mental disorder back in the 1970s, i guess you just missed the scoop.

I am honestly tired of educating people and explaining to them about homosexuality and my own existence. I am tired of the prejudices that i hear from friends who are unaware of my sexual orientation, and i am definitely sick of this society’s regressive way of thought.

We don’t have to explain to anyone the biological causes to our existence. We don’t have to convince anyone about the morality of our actions. We don’t have to say anything about our right to indifference.

We are simply heterosexuals but with a little added spices and a different chemical reaction. You’ll love us(satisfaction is guaranteed) if you got to know us, and we have the same rights as all of you ……… because we were born this way!



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